Best Christmas Ever: I finally got an email from peterbd

so just who is frank hinton? what a stupid question. frank hinton is jennifer lopez. frank hinton is jennifer lopez and we've all been duped. jennifer lopez aka frank hinton released her first album in 1999. this album was entitled 'on the 6.' frank hinton aka jlo tried to convince the general public that this title dealt with her taking the 6th train from the bronx to manhattan on her quests to become a flygirl. this is not the truth. 'on the 6' really refers to 666 as in the number of the beast as in the number that just about everyone online is associated with as in the number steve roggenbuck recites whenever a camera is near him (frank gets illuminati residuals anytime steve says 666 in his inspirational videos). anyways, frank 'jlo' hinton entitled her album 'on the 6' so she could gain entry into the the illuminati which everyone knows is led by shawn 'jay z' carter. 'on the 6' was a multi platinum selling album (because of frank's association with the illuminati) which opened the doors to her having a long and successful career. frank hinton, aka jennifer lynn lopez, is now heading her illuminati website (alt lit gossip), had a successful illuminati endorsed #1 single ('on the floor' produced by redone who is the producer of illuminati 'it' girl, lady gaga) and uses her illuminati connections (jay z, tao lin, beyonce, paul mccartney) to convince internet users to purchase her chapbooks and spread her iluminati messages on facebook and twitter. smdh if you haven't noticed any of this.

  
conversation 

"are you frank hinton?"
"no" says frank hinton 
"i think you're frank hinton"
"i am not frank hinton" says frank hinton
"are you sure?"
"yes" says frank hinton 
"but you look just like frank hinton"
"i am not frank hinton" says frank hinton 
"but you talk just like frank hinton" 
"i am not frank hinton" says frank hinton 
"but you smell just like frank hinton and walk just like frank hinton and have the same fucking face as frank hinton"
"i am not frank hinton" says frank hinton 
"why don't you just reveal yourself? i mean, what's the point of being an anonymous writer? don't you want to reap the benefits of everything you've done? don't you want your face plastered across billboards? don't you want to fuck every attractive person who gives you likes on facebook?
"nah, not really" says frank hinton 
"ugh, i hate this"
"where were you born?"
"a place" says frank hinton
"what do you do for a living?"
"i work" says frank hinton 
"where do you work"
"a place" says frank hinton 
"i can't take this shit anymore"
"then gtfoh" says frank hinton 
"no. i refuse to gtfoh. how old are you?" 
"an age" says frank hinton 
"are you dating anyone" 
"i have the ability to do that" says frank hinton 
"what is your favorite type of music"
"the one that is my favorite" says frank hinton 
"i hate this"
"i am indifferent" says frank hinton 
"what kind of food do you like to eat the most" 
"so many" says frank hinton 
"do you have a degree"
"a college degree or twerk team degree?" says frank hinton
"college degree"
"perhaps" says frank hinton
"cool. now we're getting somewhere. if you went to college, where did you attend school"
"a place" says frank hinton 
"i sincerely hate you"
"don't sweat the small stuff" says frank hinton


backstory 

frank hinton died in the 20s. he died a very rich man. he was the head of his own brewery that he opened in 1886 and was a very successful business man. he had a wife named mary, a daughter name sue, and a son named jim. when prohibition became a 'thing', this did not stop frank hinton's successful business. he moved his brewery from omaha, nebraska to salvador, brazil. this brought him even more fortune and adulation from millions of brazilians due to frank helping their economy. frank hinton contracted polio in 1923. his wife was upset. his daughter was sad. his son was beside himself. frank hinton died on july 9, 1924. his funeral in brazil drew thousands. florianopolis, brazil is named after one of frank's famous brews. he was really loved by brazil. one day, while frank's wife was cleaning out his walk in closet, she found hundreds upon hundreds of stuff that was written by him. frank's wife couldn't believe it. the only thing frank seemed interested in when he was alive was beer and beating his wife at water polo. mary read frank's stories for hours until she read all of them. frank described how he didn't want his writings to go unnoticed and how he wanted to inspire future generations of anonymous writers since he was really into writers being anonymous. he told his wife, in written form, that she would have to get his work out there in the name of anonymity. he basically told her she'd have to be frank hinton until she died. 'damn, i guess i'm frank hinton now' mary said. so that's how it happened. frank hinton was the head of a brewery who was secretly a writer of indie literature who died of polio and passed the anonymity baton to his wife who passed it on to sue who also died of polio so she passed it on to jim who passed it on to his child who passed it on to their child who is the current version of frank hinton that now resides in halifax, nova scotia. hope this was a helpful explanation


20 rules from the official league of frank hinton rule book

1. please refrain from revealing your identity (ever)
2. if you are appointed to be frank hinton for a certain period of time, do not abuse this power by acting like a fucking imbecile 
3. always carry yourself with grace and elegance when interacting with internet individuals 
4. you may sleep with internet individuals, but if you reveal yourself as frank hinton then you will immediately be stripped of your frank hinton title and will never be asked to be frank hinton for the rest of your life 
5. always write things that are good
6. never write things that are bad 
7. do not be an asshole 
8. do not take a day off as being frank hinton no matter how sick you are 
9. do not be a fucking asshole 
10. you can tell at least one person you are frank hinton, but must make them swear to never tell a soul 
11. look at yourself in the mirror and say 'i am frank hinton and i am a fucking beautiful' at least twice daily 
12. be humble 
13. volunteer at your local soup kitchen at least three times a week 
14. if you followed through with #10 then you have been stripped of your frank hinton duties for all of eternity. see rule #1 if you have any questions as to why this has happened to you 
15. do not listen to maroon 5 or eat fast food 
16. when someone inevitably asks you if you are frank hinton, smile and say 'i am not frank hinton.' if this person does not take your word for it then it is ok to punch them in their face 
17. do not sleep 
18. consider yourself blessed that you hold this title and carry this power 
19. if you listen to a maroon 5 song by mistake or unknowingly eat a mcdonalds quarter pounder with cheese, you must immediately give yourself 100 back lashings while chanting 'i am sorry for tarnishing frank hinton's brand by listening to shitty music and eating foods that affect my cholesterol in detrimental ways.' here is a whip that is perfect for self mutilation. it can be purchased online http://www.aussiewhipmaker.com/cow_slap.htm 
20. go out there and get inspired. you are frank hinton and need inspiration for fuel 

possibility 

it is likely that frank hinton is your relative. this is very likely 

understanding

do you remember when you were asked if you were frank hinton? well i do. it was on august 15, 2011. somebody was like 'hey, are you frank hinton?' and i was like 'no.' one day you will be asked if you are frank hinton and you will have to say no too. or maybe you will have to say yes because you are frank hinton. this is all very confusing yet very simple at the same time. you will be on gchat one day and someone will ask you if you are frank hinton. please do not panic. this has happened to a good number of us. just take a deep breath and type 'no' when asked. don't be ashamed for typing 'no.' we've all had to type 'no' in response to someone asking us if we are frank hinton. we have all felt worried that we might be frank hinton and that someone was on the verge of figuring out our identity. does this make any sense? frank hinton is frank hinton and you are you. it's kinda like if you see a police car behind you and you start getting nervous and think the policeman will arrest you even though you've done nothing wrong. when one asks you if you're frank hinton, you'll feel the urge to say yes out of nervousness. so when things like this occur just play it cool. just keep your composure 


dude makes a frank hinton confession
mason johnson:
Yes. I am Frank Hinton.
How'd you find out?


frank hinton

amy winehouse's debut album is entitled 'frank.' is this title referring to frank hinton? maybe. maybe not. many think frank hinton is a man. brad listi thinks frank hinton is male. this may or may not be true. i mean, who gives a fuck? frank hinton is a man. frank hinton is a woman. frank hinton is a hermaphrodite. frank hinton is a ghost. frank hinton is an alien. frank hinton is a cartoon character. frank hinton is in prison so he/she cannot reveal their identity. frank hinton is you. frank hinton is me. frank hinton is all of us. frank hinton, frank hinton, frank hinton. what will 2013 bring for this entity known as frank hinton? maybe frank hinton will write another book. maybe frank hinton will create a new interactive website. maybe frank hinton will stop doing this all together. that would make some people angry because they invest alot into frank hinton.  they appreciate frank hinton's point of view. they enjoy frank hinton's presence online. they like reading the stuff that frank hinton writes. people really seem to relate to what frank hinton says. look at any year end list, and 'action, figure' will be on it. i mean, frank hinton might be an anon but frank hinton is very accessible. you wouldn't be able to talk to sylvia plath on ghcat. you wouldn't be able to send edgar allan poe a direct message on twitter. johnathan franzen will never hold a spreecast and you will never be able to ask johnathan franzen questions on spreecast. frank hinton is what is going on now. frank hinton is this thing. this thing is open for interpretation but frank hinton is a big part of this thing. you can't talk about this thing without talking about frank hinton. anonymous frank hinton. frank hinton who runs altlitgossip. frank hinton who pisses people off because of some of the stuff that's on altlitgossip. frank hinton who cares alot about this thing. frank hinton who doesn't mean to offend anyone but will continue to speak his/her/their mind regardless because that's what frank hinton does. frank hinton has a fucking purpose and it will be served. we are here and frank is here and this is the way things are. if this thing gets bigger, you won't be able to discuss it without discussing frank hinton. that's pretty amazing if you think about it. but most importantly, was amy winehouse's first album about frank hinton? seems likely

CITYSCAPES PROJECT

I have a new piece in Jacob Steinberg's 'ALT LIT CITYSCAPES' ebook.

Here's a review of my story from THIS IS FOR YOU

"Frank Hinton's writing is in excellent shape here, hands down the best I've read from her and in a different style from her pieces I've seen in the past. This short story is down right terrifying: she depicts a descent into hell, a movement from the sterile comfort of the city to a hedonistic confused rural scene from which the narrator does not emerge unscathed. No punches are pulled and she avoids over-dramatizing the events that occur. "

There is an aloneness to the way I live, there are great people I would love to sit or smoke or cuddle with that I will never meet.

Jacob Steinberg is just this incredibly kind and poignant spirit, I saw him on a Spencer Madsen livestream one day modelling new clothes and reading poetry in Spanish and I felt very enamoured with his energy/spirit whatever.

Anyways, he created this beautiful Cityscapes project aiming to capture something of the efficacy between writer and city.

In his words...

It is well known that people ascribe different cities with their own identities; our urban landscapes most certainly have their own unique way in which they are represented in culture, film, and writing. But what interested me for this project was how those identities are so often transplanted onto their inhabitants. And while dispute continues over terminology to define contemporary literature, there is an undeniable shared quality in how we write, publish, and take in literature in the internet era. 

Anyways, check it out.  There is a lot of beautiful stuff in there.

im just going to use this as a notepad from now on

Action, Figure is now Available

ACTION, FIGURE is now available. 

Order here. 

Order the ebook version here. 

Check out the goodreads page here. 

Here is the official cover for the novel Action, Figure

The book will be available this month from Tiny Hardcore Press

It is 336 pages

It chronicles the life of Frank and Lili and a ‘nameless, sexless character’ 

The chapters move from Frank to Lili to this other character over and over and over again

Lili is a bulimic drug addict on the verge of relapse

Frank has recently finished college and struggles in the weird place between studentdom and adulthood 

The other character wakes up blind in a strange city and is all fucked up because of some accident 

+++++

If you were to watch a movie trailer about this novel, you would see flashes of images containing drugs, sexuality, perversion, healthy eating, spring, halifax, action figures, dahl, washing machines, blowjobs, house parties, homosexual boyfriends, bulimia, tumors, melting barbies, carpets, miniature cities, lentils, fiddleheads, cousins, MDMA, pills, bathroom stall sex, pretending to be a dead bunny, invisible creatures, war in third world countries, diamond earrings, dying in video games, Korean corner stores, bike theft, dogs eating condoms, a beautiful woman named lazuli, maneki neko cats 

and love. 

+++++

The book is about love mother fuckers. 

At the end of the book it is explained who Frank actually is. 

+++++

Here is what some of the innards look like:

encrusted

I studied writing in school, but I've probably only had one formal writing teacher in my life. They are hard to come by in these parts.

Here's the story:

There was a this university writing professor, a strange man- different than all of his colleagues. He was respected and yet cool, he was young-looking and muscular, often wise and always well spoken.

This professor was revered in a special way by his students, they quoted him in the hallway and blogged about him; people felt truly led by his instruction. He had an online fan page, before facbook fan pages- that's dedication. At parties there would often be a serious discussion on his methods and deep into the reflective part of the night people would share what they thought were his innermost fundamentals of writing.

So, enter me.

I remember sitting at one of these parties in some corner smoking cigarettes and trying to hide the wine stains on my clothes, gawking in an air-headed way as a student explained one of these fundamentals to a group.

I wasn't really part of the conversation, but I watched as this guy outlined the amazing professor's lecture notes for about 10 minutes. I sat there dumb as a foal and I don't remember but one sentence of the entire speil but this:


"If you like something, like a part of a book or a story, re-type it when you finish it."

I took a huge gulp of wine and boom. It was internalized. That douchebag re-hashing his professor's wisdom was my first real writing teacher. He made a BIG impression.

I never took a class with that amazing professor though, I just hung out with some of his students. But now on to my real point:

I don't know if that is good advice or not, but fuck I like doing that.

I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, I probably shouldn't be doing this, but if I could pick one thing for anybody to re-write, to type out every few months or so it would be this:



An Unsteady Place


Thirty-three starfish, forty-two seashells, eighteen crabs, fourteen lobsters, ten waves, eight gulls, twelve fish, seven lighthouses, four fisherman, eleven pieces of coral, sixteen sailboats, nine seahorses, and a handful of of signs indicating the direction you need to take should you want to go to the beach. In bas-relief on shower tiles, on the edges of towel racks, mounted to drawer pulls, painted on wallpaper, dotted on baseboard tile squares, crowded into baskets on mantels, on wooden steps, in bathrooms, mounted and framed and hung on walls, painted on dishes, decaled on drinkware, the bottoms of bowls, sculpted into the handles of serving utensils, hanging from the ceiling, stitched onto towels, on lamp bases, printed on bed sheets, comforters, pillow cases. A fish skeleton key rack. The beachside vacation rental drove the point home like a mother reminding you of every single thing you needed to be afraid of.

In every cupboard, towels with nautical themes are stacked neatly with labels indicating the size of towel and method of use: hand towel, body towel, beach towel, wash cloth. Tiny laminated instructions with filigree and smiley faces explain how to use each appliance; washer, dryer, microwave, dishwasher. Quiet coaches.

At first it's charming, but eventually their naggy cheeriness begins to annoy. I know how to use a microwave. I know how to dry my clothes. I know how to wash dishes.

There is no way you can make a mistake here.


-----

Yeah. That is by xTx from her book 'Normally Special' and it is certainly the most jewel encrusted opening of anything I've ever read. I type it out and I look at it and I realize that I can't edit it because a) it isn't mine and b) it is just so fucking perfect the way it sparkles like that! I have typed it out 3 times in my life at this point. And every time I type it out I feel better than I did before and also, shittier because I want to have written that myself. Fuck, girl.

I think that my goal in life, one of the goals in my life, is to create a jewel like that. So so much in such a splendid way in so little space.

Filigree indeed and of itself.

Found: Livejournal entry from 2003

found this on my old account, kind of made me cry:


i think you should always read for 2 hours before bed, because if you don't there's really nothing left of the world.

i think you should wash your hands constantly, and not just sprinkle them. wash them, meditatively. keep a little metal tool and always clean under your nails. keep your hands soft, even if you're a man. keep them soft.

i think that you should be kind to others and be upfront with people that are offensive.

i think you should buy nice clothing because you should look good.

i think if you're a girl you should try to do at least one thing boys are in to. and if you're a guy you should get into something girls like. that way you always have a bridge somewhere.

i think that you should make love, have sex, fuck. if you aren't having regular sex you should do everything you can to have it. i think that you should never watch porn because it turns you into slime.

i think you should watch porn for entertainment.

i think you should exercise every day and especially work on your core muscles by doing planks before you read for 2 hours before bed. you should really think of your body as a temple made of fat and muscle meat and keep it strong.

i think you should get drunk at least twice a month.

i think you should tell people you care about them more than you do already.

i think you should not eat meat because you eat violence. you shouldn't be an animal, you should be a human. if you stop eating meat you'll be more human, i think more spiritual.

i think that you should meditate as soon as you wake up in the morning because that is when you are most fresh and childlike and receptive to calm. i think you should buy a book on meditation and really work at it.

i think you should never think you actually know anything, especially wisdom. you should feel humbled by everyone you meet and you should be so lucky to kiss the dirt on their feet. you should be in awe of everyone because i think you should think you are nothing. you should say it to yourself over and over like a mantra 'i am nothing, i am nothing, i am nothing, i am nothing' you should live with those words as you interact with others.

i think you should say those words right now. walk around and say them. go outside, even if it's raining and walk down the street until you get to the nearest retail establishment. in your head i think you should keep saying 'i am nothing' and then buy something and look at the salesperson, like, really look at them and think about how they are a part of god just as you are.

Possessions on display (an obsession)

I like piles of things. Specifically, I like piles of my things. I like laying out everything I have and looking at it. I like sometimes to take things out of the drawers in my room and placing them in an order. Something like a constellation of objects. I arrange things by size or by color or chronologically. I arrange things based on bodily response or emotional attachment or from love to hate. So far I've done this in my kitchen, my bedroom, my basement. This summer I want to do the garage and the front room and my office.

My process is this- I take out everything from every closet, drawer and shelf. I take a moment to hold each object and observe it. Extra special moments are reserved for glass surfaces which I believe to be mystic. I  spend a lot of time going back and forth between things, it may be two days before I get the arrangement right. If an object is dirty I will clean it. Sometimes I take notes in a notebook and often I eat meals while walking around the city of objects, deep in contemplation of order.

With regards to the kitchen project, I saved the food for last and omitted meats, cheeses and the freezer contents. When I finish I try to take a picture of what I've done. I can't upload the pictures because well, these are my things. Some of them are private. Some of them are thrown away now, picked up on Canadian curb day where we throw out our junk. These are just for me, like most of my personal pictures.

Why do I do this? 

Why do you do anything? Maybe I draw power or happiness from the mixture of weirdness, order and obsessiveness. Maybe I am just fucked in the head. Or maybe it is because of Nina Leen.

Nina Leen is my hero. One of them. She was one of the first female photographers for LIFE. Here's her obituary in the NYT:

Nina Leen, one of the first female photographers for Life magazine, died on Sunday at her home in New York City. Ms. Leen was secretive about her age, but Alison Hart, a press agent for Life, said she was believed to be in her late 70's or early 80's.
Ms. Leen photographed many subjects but was best known for her pictures of animals. Among her 15 books were two studies of bats, published in the 1970's. To make the pictures for these books, she used special cameras and lighting and overcame an aversion to the animals.
One of her most famous images is a 1950 photograph of the Abstract Expressionist artists known as the Irascibles, including Mark Rothko, Barnett Newman and Jackson Pollock.

I've never seen any of her animal pics. I love her pictures from the 50's and 60's. She has some excellent b/w work, but most of all I like this photo right here:

What do I like about this? I like it because it captures a moment in a way that no other can, a North American kind of moment. A womanly kind of moment. And it isn't an event that is captured but an essence. It shows the objects that this woman interacts with on a daily basis, the clothing, the kitchen tools, the cleaning supplies (the mystic glass is the center piece). It is beautiful because these are the things that determine the physics of our being. That captures a certain way, just as my own piles do.

Nobody I show this picture to seems to like it. They usually smile or 'yeah yeah' to it, but it never seems to take breath away from others as it does for me. Maybe I am just a freak.

That being said, a large portion of my novel involves the female character arranging her possessions like this. Maybe somebody out there does the same twisted thing now and then, maybe it will encourage someone to take on the artful task of total possession arrangement.